A Horrible Realization

So it’s the 21st of October  when I’m writing this and I’m at work. Work. You know, I’ve had something to say about this place for a long time on here and I haven’t. I haven’t because I’m tired of people saying that they’re tired of hearing me complain about my job. That If I was a real man I would find something else. Look for a “Real Job.” That to. I need to hit on that. Just because I don’t work a full time job doesn’t I’m not working a real job. Any job is a real job. Deal with it. Now what I have to say.

I work at a gas station. I’m a gas attendant. Also, because of how piss poor (prepare for a lot of cursing) this place is run, I’m a secretary, and a store clerk. See I work by myself every Saturday and Sunday. Saturdays I’m here from 6 am to 10 pm. Sundays its 8 am to 9 pm. Those are the only two days I work. Sounds pretty good huh? Only two days a week. Well you’re wrong. See, my station sells about $11,000 of gas on Saturdays, or about 687 bucks every hour. Sundays are almost as bad at 8,000. That means that there is always costumers outside for gas. Which means that it’s almost impossible to do things like eat lunch, go to the bathroom, take care of the costumers inside the station, even drop money so I don’t become a target for someone to try and rob me.  The pumps are the worst.  Some of the nozzles burp gas all over the place because their vapor lines don’t work well.

Most of the pumps stop a cent over what I told them to stop at. The last one doesn’t even stop. It keeps pumping really slowly. It once went a buck over because I couldn’t get back to it in time. That’s if they even stop when their supposed to. The number pads on my pumps love to just straight crap out on me. When they go over, I’m the one paying the difference. We’ll get back to my pay later. The fact is that I have to deal with all of the above with no help. Non at all.

The part that get me most annoyed, and in truth most scared, is what this place is doing to my health. Sense I started working here I’ve gained so much weight. I’ve been getting migraines and stomach pains. I’ve been grinding my teeth to the point their breaking. The worst part is what it’s doing to my head. Simple things are starting to get more and more difficult. My attention span has been all but obliterated. Yes I have ADHD, but the kind I have just makes it hard to focus. I never had a problem with things keeping my attention, but now not even the hobbies I’ve enjoyed for years can keep me intrigued. It’s so hard to focus lately. It’s really sad.

When it comes to my pay, well I’m lucky if I can even afford those hobbies. I make just enough to pay my rent, laundry, food, and my part of the cable bill. I’m going crazy trying to figure out how to save for my girlfriends birthday/Christmas present. Especially sense the broken pumps keep causing me to giving money back.

Look I’m not looking for pity. I’m not looking for encouragement. I’m looking to just explain some things. Why I seem off. My brain is fried.  I miss being able to enjoy the things I did, but I’m so shot that by the time I’ve relaxed enough to enjoy them, its 15 minutes before I have to go to bed on a Friday night so I can come back to this place Saturday morning.  So yeah that’s why I seem off, tired, bitter, and angry.

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